Reflections – Lessons in Veritas

“People”

A poem about, well, people

Once a person helped me, and I tried to help them too

Once a person hurt me, and I knew not what to do

Once a person loved me, and I tried to love them too

Once a person left me, and cry all I could do

People have a heartbeat

People can breathe deep

People inhale softly

People don’t think when they speak

Person sitting in the corner

Person in the crowd

Person leaning on my shoulder

Person in the shroud

Laughing woman at the party

Crying children in the dark

Smiling man on a rollercoaster

Hurting human in her sleep

Every person made by Jesus

All made to be loved

Even those who tore our souls

And those who slit our throats

Happy people

Yelling people

Bleeding people

Caring people

Let us learn to love the people

And maybe love us too

For God so died to save the people

Counting me and you

Living / Dying

Inspired by the words of Jesus in Mark 8:31-38

Therein the act of living,

A choice we face each day —

Will we choose to die to self

Or self do we obey?

The answer seems foreboding

I know what I must choose.

Our Master points the way so clear

We’ve everything to lose.

Inside our hearts beat vying

To own our weary souls

Guiding to the darkest lusts

And making spirits dull.

Self worship’s lips stand lying

With words of sin and pride.

Infected claims of tainted hope

Now slaughter us inside.

There’s wholeness in our dying

When self is thrown away —

When everything we thought we lost

Is gained another way.

The paradox of suff’ring —

Where trials have their place

To shape our aching heartbeats

And to point us to His grace.

Let dying be our living;

Let Him open up our eyes

To a world with hope unending

Where His kingdom is our prize.

“Concentrate”

Emergency: Part Three

They told me

I needed to be organized

So I tried to be organized – except!

Nothing changed.

I was helped

And I think I learned how

To adapt

So I made myself a motto

“It’s ok, I’ll figure it out”

So, I went to the med room

To let just three tears slip

As I tried to focus – but

My patient yelled

And one paced

In the hallway, screaming out

Profanities

And my preceptor asked me

“Will you be able to be organized?”

Thankfully,

My lungs worked rhythmically

Enough to take a breath – and then!

My heart broke

As I realized

My sweet patient’s daughter

Had died

So, I tried to refocus and pray

“Lord, at least help me to love”

It’s hard to love

While trying to be organized

For one moment I was fine – until!

A patient couldn’t cope

One couldn’t walk

And while I went to get a blood draw

One seized

And still, in the meantime, another asked

“Why can’t you help me?”

Then, because I

Admitted to my preceptor

I needed help focusing – suddenly!

I was being watched

And being timed

Carefully, I counted the minutes

Ten minutes

To place an IV and assess, so I said

“This will be possible”

Then somehow

It was end of the shift

And in a span of – 12 hours!

God had taught me

Humility

Being reminded of His strength

Is beautiful

And in my weakness

“[His] grace is sufficient”

I truly love

The emergency room

Because in its halls – full of despair!

God always shows up

And crucified

Become my abilities

As I learn to concentrate

On the reality of what He told me

“Just trust Me in the tension”

“Hallways”

And Emergency: Part Two

We walk quickly

Down the hallways

In the absence of

Silence.

Is it possible, still

To hear you?

We walk into

curtained rooms

In the presence of…

Trying.

So hard, it seems,

To see you

We kneel on the

Blood-stained floors

As you call out –

Crying.

Your pain, we try

To feel you

We sit at our

Small, wheeled desks

And still we smell the

Dying –

Of dreams, so quick

To flee you

Yet as I walk

These hallways

In the absence of

Silence –

Your heartbeat, still

I hear you

And Christ will walk

Besides me

And we will taste His

Presence

My patient, friend

He’s with you

Photo credit: https://www.statnews.com/2020/01/24/patients-restrained-in-the-er/

“Vessels”

2 Corinthians 5:17-19
And for the amazing woman who called me several months ago to share this verse, I believe you know who you are. Thank you ❤

We are vessels

Of broken glass

Conduits of grace

How He uses,

Solely chooses

Moments – not a waste

Fragile vessels

Prone to breaking

Shattering at will

Stronger Healer

Still He chooses

Vessels to be filled

Grace and mercy

Love and justice

Speaking to the poor

He’s still moving

Love providing

Still an open door

God please use

Our blood-stained vessels

Prone to breaking glass

And draw us closer

Backs towards sinning

Love to shine outlast

Photo credit: Franklin Institute. As shown on https://www.firstpost.com/tech/news-analysis/new-smartphone-app-can-help-detect-anaemia-without-the-need-of-a-blood-test-5685521.html

“My City”

Inspired by Brandon Heath’s song, “Give Me Your Eyes,” Andrew Peterson’s “Everybody’s Got a Song,” and the recent mass shooting in my hometown.

I never loved you enough,

My city.

I spent too long,

Wishing

I was somewhere else.

Until I got to know you.

My people.

I started to learn,

Loving

In my home.

You were always here

My childhood.

You raised me,

Loving

As a friend.

And then I left you.

My goodbye.

My college travels,

Calling

I thought away.

And then I realized

My mistake,

My loving city

Calling

Me back home.

I woke up, city

My horror.

What happened to you?

Crying

Blood on your streets.

I’ll cry too.

My city.

I spent too long,

Wishing

I was somewhere else.

Forgive me,

My people.

Who raised me,

Confessing

Is what I must do.

Emergency (I Will Awake)

Thoughts before a shift in the emergency room / Emergency: P

It’s a funny thing going to sleep to wake up for a shift at 4am. Maybe it’s because my responsibility hasn’t quite sunken in yet. Maybe it’s because I don’t remember that when I will awake, I will walk into an emergency. It’s a funny thing going to sleep to wake up for a shift at 4am. Maybe it’s because my responsibility hasn’t quite sunken in yet. Maybe it’s because I don’t remember that when I will awake, I will walk into an emergency.

Maybe it’s because emergency is a relative term; while one’s is a subdural hematoma, another’s is a stuffy nose. While one confesses to me that tonight they planned to die, another holds on to life so close that the very sliver away from normal drives them to seek out a place that will protect them. I suppose everything has the potential to become normal in a world of 8 billion plus different people. But still, I will awake to an emergency.

I don’t know who I will see when I walk into the emergency room doors at 4am. I could see you – I hope I don’t see you. I might see your mother, or your friend. But whomever I will see, I will keep my secrets. For the world can never know of the secrets confessed behind closed curtains and the shame that may be exposed. Yes, tomorrow I will enter your emergency.

I pray that you will see beyond me, because I am selfish. I think that is my emergency.

“Help My Unbelief”

A poem about life from the words of a father penned in Mark 9:24

Dear Lord,

Do you remember when

You showed me how to trust You

In the midst of a nightmare?

Do you remember how

You taught me to find

joy in the spinning…

Hell. Objectively good and yet somehow

A trauma inside my mind

Burning.

Crying…

Enough of that!

Dear Lord,

Help my unbelief. You showed me how

To live beyond circumstances

And to find joy in pain.

And now,

Now…

Somehow, here I am.

And there is no joy to find.

Because joy is all around!

Joy is everywhere now.

No conjuring and no striving just

Presence.

Dear Lord,

Why is it good? I learned over the years

– not from You –

To believe I don’t deserve

Happiness –

Or at least the kind

that comes from external gifts

And yet, here they are.

Gifts.

Everywhere! How can I…

Lord! Forgive me.

I believe, but

Help my unbelief.

Dear Lord,

But why?

You did say that everything

Works together for those

Who love You

But I don’t deserve this good.

No, not the conversations

At the café.

Not the church, not the friendships,

Not the youth group, not the preceptor,

Not the job, not the absence of…

Anxiety?

Lord! Who am I to tell You what I need?

Lord, I believe but

Help my unbelief.

Dear Lord,

Help my unbelief!

You are good and I see that now,

I confess what I did not allow

Myself to believe was real –

Love, joy, peace, patience,

Kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Gentleness, self-control…

They are

You.

Yes, You in your beautiful

And divine providence

Used my fear but the fear itself

Not you!

Oh Lord, I believe

But please, help my unbelief!

Dear Lord,

You. Are. Lord.

Sovereign beauty

In the good and the bad

Perfect Savior

In the clouds and in the clear

My precious Savior, forgive me.

And please,

Help my unbelief.

Reflections: On “Time” and Sustenance

I don’t know where to start. Although a writer, there are times when the flowing of my heart and the translation of my brain don’t quite communicate with my hands, and perhaps this is one of those times. Maybe it’s just the God-inspired task at hand. Or maybe it’s that it’s almost midnight. I digress!

Today I want to reflect on the song I posted on Sunday – “Time,” by John Lucas.

Although if I had the time I would love to duly focus on its entirety [cue: go listen to the song now if you haven’t!], I love the lyrics Lucas uses to pull us in to a different focus midway through the song:

“There is a time for everything / Until we crown the risen King.”

How true is this? Having, like the author of Ecclesiastes, assessed the nature of living and the essence of humanity, here Lucas draws the most crucial conclusion of the entire song. And I believe these simple lyrics are profound – not solely because of their poetic meter, artistic imagery, or of any stylistic feature -but simply because they point to what I believe is a truth often forgotten in the world.

Credit: https://everlastingjesus.tumblr.com
/post/139452339950

“Crown Him when you bury / And crown Him when you marry / And crown Him when your faith finds a spark.”

When life is about crowning the Risen King, circumstances don’t matter. Emotions can fluctuate, seasons can change, and even worldly death can pervade, but He doesn’t change (Malachi 3:6). Yet how easy is it to forget that He is our purpose in life.

“Crown Him for He’s faithful / And crown Him for He’s worthy / And crown Him for He is good.”

This is His nature! The Bible describes our King as life and light (John 1:4-5). He is faithful, even when we struggle to have faith (2 Timothy 2:13). Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:31-39)! He tore the veil (Hebrews 10:20). He made us pure (Hebrews 10:21-23). He made us His (John 1:12).

“Crown Him for His promises / Cut through the blindness / Of children that have barely understood.”

Despite all of our individual and humanity’s collective brokenness, and despite our finite minds, God spoke of His Son through the mouths of and words penned by human authors.

And the entire Bible points to Him (Luke 24:44).

So, I chose this Sunday song because of its poetic truth. And I will close with the closing lines of our song. They remind me of all that He is; that He is our sustenance, and He is our King, and He is our Joy. And they can remind us that, in every situation, God is constantly painting beauty in pointing us back to His Son.

“And that death produces life / And that we are made alive / By the King who paints beauty with time. / By the King who paints beauty with time. / By the King who paints beauty with time.

And I don’t know the end, or tomorrow’s story / But I have found the one who gives me rest. / And I will make my bed in His promises / For He holds true when nothing’s left…

When nothing’s left.”

Lucas, J. (2015). Time. On Promised land [Spotify] Boone, NC: Everett Hardin.

Reflections from My Window Seat

On My Time at New City Cafe

In this café, here I sit

Strangers once were we

People wave and people stay

And people talk to me

I say “my name is Kayla

It’s just my first time here

I want to know your story” –

They tell me with no fear!

In my dreams this place exist’d

A place where people grow

Where coffee brews and people sit

And souls do overflow

Christ is in the background here

And Christ is in the walls

I can feel Christ’s presence here

And I can hear his call

In my life now this exists

Sole purpose not for me

But for the people all around

And for to set them free